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Follow Your Envy

Hello friends + Happy New Year! Sending you all the love + blessings that you desire in 2024. May this year bring you an abundance of health, joy + prosperity. 🌌✨️💗🫶🦄

I felt inspired to record some thoughts that came through on my walk around the park this morning. You can listen to the recording + I have also included the transcript for you below.

I hope it peaks your curiosity + resonates.

I would love to hear your thoughts + strike up a conversation about this topic.

Thank you for creating a safe space for me to grow, be vulnerable + share.

In so much love + gratitude.


Good morning. Happy New Year. It is January 1, 2024. I'm going for a walk in the park because it is nearly 50 degrees here.

It's insane. I don't know when winter will decide to come. But I have also been very grateful for the opportunity to put on a light jacket and hit the path to get outside and get grounded so as to bring out, bring up, bring forth through this new year.

I have moments of self sabotage and you know, a fear of vulnerability and of being accepted for my beliefs and who I am as a person, and that I don't have enough experience or enough education or whatever it is, but am just gonna start giving myself a little bit of permission to share things that I receive pings and downloads about - things that resonate with me - because that's really the only context that I have, that anybody else has, is the point of reference of life as we know it and our experiences and how we perceive things.

And so that's, that's what I'm feeling. I'm hoping to share a little bit more starting with the new year and so this is kind of where I find myself this morning - I was going through all of my stuff and I came brought back to mind this idea this morning about like following your envy, and it's something that I wholeheartedly believe to be true, and it's something that I have followed into the unknown and it has been scary and terrifying.

And the unknown is the unknown.

It's a very unpredictable place. I think we as humans love the idea of structure and predictability and safety and security. And when you continue to choose to follow your envy, it forces you to go against the beliefs that you thought were yours, or you are aligned with, and it challenges you to continually jump off the cliff in a deep, unwavering trust and knowing that things will work out as they should, and they will be even more magical than we ever could have predicted or created for ourselves and that it will all be worth it.

But holy shit. It's really scary.

Through following my envy, it's gotten me to a really, really magical place in my life. I never would have predicted that this is where I would be, this is what I would be doing, this is who I would be becoming. But it's been at a cost of a deep, devotional commitment to myself and understanding my self worth and my deep, deep rooted, deep-seeded desires and passions for life, and embodying a level of self worth and self love that, pretty much up until this point in my life, I've placed in the responsibility in the hands of other people, which has not served itself to the fullest capacity that one would think, and so it is a continual devotion of self love and self worth.

But it can come at the cost of pain and loneliness and pain of others and heartbreak and vulnerability and all of those other things. But I suppose through my life, my experiences, that these points in time of jumping off the cliff into the unknown, come at a fork or a Y in the road of having to make a decision of settling or making myself small or fitting into society or the beliefs of the people around me or leaning into fear or any of those other things, or taking the path of self love and self worth.

And since I've decided to start choosing myself more through that vulnerability, it has it has given me the gift of magic and the gift of loving myself and getting to know myself and honoring myself and expanding myself and growing and building that trust muscle around vulnerability and taking the leap.

And so yeah, this is this is where I'm at, in, you know, following my envy. It's something that I learned about in a podcast a long time ago, and I just can't help but think that it just rings true through every moment and every choice and every decision that we make, and I think that if you can acquire a little more context around what that means, instead of thinking of it through one linear lens of, maybe, like sexuality or lust or things like that, it really is a deep-seeded desire and form of communication that your soul is trying to communicate with you through feelings of emotion or pings of envy, aound things that other people do or how they look or how they choose to live their life.

And I think that if you can look at it through the lens of curiosity, and really start to like, not only observe when those little bits of envy come in, but get curious about what that could mean, it will open up so many opportunities and doors for you to explore.

Maybe where you're not so much in alignment with your life or where you can attune or align a little bit more deeply and intentionally. And this can not only be with yourself, but with the people that are around you or the work that you do or your purpose in life or in your partnership. So there's so many facets of how this can play out, and so I guess it's important to mention that there's a difference between, you know, jealousy and envy.

Jealousy is from a place of fear and a fear that somebody else is going to take something away from you. But envy, envy is that little ping of seeing that person and you're like wow, she is so beautiful, and she is so confident and she is so well put together and she's enjoying dinner by herself, and she's treating herself like a god damn queen that she is, and she has so much confidence and you know, how can she do that?

How can I bring more of that into my life?

And so I think it it starts with that level of observation. Of just like noticing when bouts of envy come up or pique your interest. But then really, you know starting to dive deep around why you have envy around that person. It can start off as superficial, you know, like oh my gosh, she's so thin or oh my gosh, she's so fit or you know any of those things, but, you know, dig a little bit deeper. Why?

Why is that something that you envy in that person? It's likely going to be a lot deeper than just her slim build or you know something like that, but it could just be the confidence that she she omits out to the world. It could be the way that she puts herself together. It could be a particular style. You know, maybe there's a set of clothes that you've worn for the last 10 years and she's got a funky little style and she's got you know, little jewelry things and you like the aesthetic of that and it feels personal and it feels fun.

There's so many depths that you can go to with figuring out what your envy is.

And there's also a level of caution.

You know, once you start observing these things, sometimes it can create a reality of contrast around how far off you may feel, compared to the envy that you experience of somebody else or their experience. And so, it's really important to be able to understand and hold space for yourself.

Especially like if you and your partner are going through this level of growth that you know there may not be a true alignment with where you want to be. You may have to realize that you have to put in a lot of legwork to get to where you "want to be" but have compassion, have patience, have gratitude that you are listening to that sweet little soul that's inside your vessel, and you're going to take the steps in the right direction to get it to where it wants to be and where it wants you to be, so that you can live your most authentic and beautiful and fulfilled life. Know there is an opportunity for abundance and there is unlimited potential, and once you start taking control and put yourself in the driver's seat and begin to approach with curiosity and intention to co-create with divine or Source or God or the universe or whatever it is that you choose to believe in, that's where the magic begins.

And with that co-creation there's also this understanding too, that it takes two to tango. So, you know, you've probably heard about the secret or manifestation and affirmations and all of those things, and that's a great way to get into the right mindset, but if you're looking to tango and co-create with the universe, then you have to start putting into a conceptualization of the actionable steps that you have to take to get yourself there.

And so if there are things that you envy in a person or a couple you know, like power couples, they're so, so inspirational to see because they have a deep love and devotion to each other and you're likely attracted to them because maybe it's something that they put out publicly, like obviously, it's not going to show the full spectrum of their relationship in terms of like their trials and their errors per se (unless they're super, you know, vulnerable) but if those are things that ping your envy and ping your interest, do a deep dive into what it is that you truly envy about that couple beyond just the superficial looks or appeal that they put out to the world.

And then you're gonna have to start doing the deep dive of what work is going to be needed to get to that place, and what sacrifices that maybe you're assuming that they had to go through, or maybe they are a couple that you can reach out to or a person that you can reach out, to really acquire more of an attuned idea of what it takes to get to that place.

So you're part of that Tango is figuring out what it is that you need to do or you need to heal or you need to embody so that the universe can resonate with you at that frequency to give that to you and give you exactly what you want.

So I think it's so important. I think it's been instrumental in my life you know, with following my envy - I moved through a divorce and I've gone through some relationships. I'm working on getting myself out of debt. I'm working on living a more abundant life. I'm building my business. I'm growing and evolving personally. I'm healing aspects of myself and I truly feel - outside of the old idea that you know, by this time in my life that I would be married and I would have a family and all of those things - if I can put those expectations aside of what I thought my life was going to look like, and what society tells me that I should be here like, that I am living a really fucking magical life and it's continuing to grow and evolve.

I am working towards my financial freedom and I'm working towards being able to do more of the things that I want to do, but in the meantime, I've been able to get really creative with having my money work for me and creating passive income for myself and meeting myself where I'm at, but in like a truly joyous and abundant place.

I feel like I have a very rich and wealthy life.

If you look at it on paper, you might be able to fight against that I'm not quite to the point of being completely "rich", but I feel rich in my heart, and I feel rich in my soul.

And in the present moments of me walking around in the park, or finding presence anywhere I go - taking myself out to coffee, meeting with friends, even at my job - if I can be in a state of joy and happiness, and abundance and gratitude, there is magic in every single moment that I can find.

And I think that that's what life is all about.

And so while I do look to the future in excitement for the day that I will have a husband and a family, and I'll be co-creating with another person and more souls in my life, I feel like I'm doing a pretty damn good job for myself now and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It's been hard and it's been scary, but it's also been beautiful and magical and I have grown and evolved, and I love myself so much and I know that I am so worthy of everything that I desire. And I am creating that life for myself and I am so blessed, and I am so grateful every day, every day.

So yeah, I guess it's about time for me to wrap up this little conversation here so I can continue to enjoy my walk uninterrupted, but I guess I just invite you to start to become a little bit, you know, curious about where envy is starting to show up in your life and really lean into it. Approach it with curiosity and fun and play, and use it as a data point to just give yourself a little bit of information about your soul and a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in this life.

If you want guidance or support, you can totally reach out to me - I would love to dream and scheme with you around how you can embody a little more envy in your life.

And at some point, because I went down the rabbit hole of all of this stuff this morning, I hope to put together, you know, like a guidebook or a mastermind around this.

Setting some intentions in 2024, I would love to do a retreat based around this.

So yeah, let me know what you think. Let me know how I can support you. Share your findings with me. And happy new year. I'm excited to connect with you soon.

This transcript and audio were generated by Otter.

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